WHOM

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by

Carl B. Harding

Should We Tell?

SHOULD I tell my parents? my bro-

ther? sister? Should I confide in "my fiance? my closest friends and as-

sociates? How can I tell my wife? My husband? My son or daughter? Do I dare let it be known to my employer? What good would it do? What possible harm?

At least some of these questions come to the minds of most homosexuals at some time or other under he varied circumstances of their lives.

It is an undeniable and uncomfortable fact that we homosexuals ourselves are largely responsible for he aura of ignorance and prejudice which enshrouds us. We are responsible because of our silence. And our silence is rooted in lea:. N human being should have to live in. fear of his fellowmen. The homo. sexual's fear is caused by the prejudice of society which we have failed to enlighten. We are caught in a vicious circle of our own main¡enance.

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Prejudice and discrimination are rooted in ignorance Ignorance can be dispelled by truth. We can no longer afford to live by the medieval doctrine,-Keep the people in igno:ance and our salvation is assured. We can bring a close to the era of hush and pretend. In a nation professing democratic freedom for the people whose first allegiance should be to the philosophy of truth, it is a

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The following article was written by a homosexual for homosexuals. Its writing was prompted in part by a discussion meeting on this subject sponsored by the Mattachine Society of the San Francisco Bay Area. While not a new or revolutionary idea, we believe Mr. Harding's proposal contains an impelling challenge for personal social action.

paradox that American culture should have remained in the dark for so long about its invisible sexual "minority".

But under present conditions no one knows better than the homosexual himself that we must be extremely careful who "knows". Our vocational position is especially precarious if we are in civil service, the military, teachers, or elected officers in the public eye. We must avoid becoming the victims of deprecating gossip and malicious lies. We need to know well our confidants, or be reasonably assured, as in the case of vocational counseling, that the recipients of the information would use it wisely to help. People who have a deep appreciation of what it means to be human beings and who are secure and happy in their own sexual love life are able: to receive such facts with calm objectivity. It is those individuals who

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REVIEW

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are latent or repressed or having inner conflict over their own homosexual desires for whom the truth, poses a threat to ego defense. It is of them we need to beware.

Our spiritual and emotional security are determined within' ourselves. Our social security is largely determined by our outer world. And the two are inseparably interlocked. No amount of personal maturity or faith alone can waylay the prejudice and discriminatory actions of a society deprived of facts. Social emancipation for homosexuals will come by way of truth, rather than by our hypocritically continuing to live our lives in farce and deception.

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What I am advocating should not be misconstrued to mean that homosexuals should shout out to "every-

from the housetops what their nature is. True, if all of us were to do just that, our social problems at least would be hastily solved. But it isn't going to happen that way. So a few need the courage and faith to begin by confiding in selected favorite friends. In revealing such a secret it is up to each individual to speak for himself alone, rarely for anyone else, even when asked, Taking into confidence carefully chosen persons in the spirit of understanding should not be confused as confession. It can be done in honesty and sincerity and without shame or guilt. Those who keep their nature in absolute secrecy may feel the greatest guilt or they would not violate so easily a fundamental principle of religious morality by placing such a low premium on honesty.

Some of our friends already believe in the spiritual Brotherhood of Man and cherish the birthright of every individual to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We can begin with them. A well informed friend can enlighten others and the narrow, stereotyped concepts will

gradually give way to facts. Such a procedure helps take the dynamite out of an otherwise explosive subject, and erases superstitions and half-truths. Fear of ostracism by one's friends or relatives has kept the homosexual silent. But the friendship of anyone who would reject a homosexual upon learning of his nature would hardly be worth having:

I once said to another homosexual, who finds it more convenient to never remove his mask, that I had decided to tell my best heterosexual friends the truth about myself. His reply was: "They will drop you like a hot potato." However, carried through with my plan. The result was that a few homosexuals dropped me out of fear. They felt their imaginary security threatened. But not one of my hon-homosexual friends in whom. I have confided have disowned me in any way. An even closer bond of Iriendship was established when this unknown entity about me became understood.

Whether to tell one's mother or father probably should depend on the circumstances involved in each individual's case. Whether we accept or reject the evidente from our case histories, some of our parents upon learning we are homosexual would study into the matter for themselves: and they would realize it was, for the most part the imbalanced emotional relationship of one or both of them and others to us as children. which caused many of us to develop with a predominantly homosexual bend. In a society which does not accept homosexuality this could be a cause of self-blame and remorse. The homosexual who had a happy relationship with a 'poreni, however inadequate and distorted it may have been, is in an easier position to confide in that parent than when there was an unhappy factor involved.⚫

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